It's Time
Journal #2- Oct 5, 2020
Today was my first session. Since my buddy hasn't showed up yet, I was temporarily placed in another pair's breakout room. The other mentor's name was Kate and the little buddy was called Kristy (I won't say her real name to protect her privacy). As we began the get to know you worksheet and the breathing exercises, I realized that Kristy is shy and quiet, just like me when I was younger. Throughout the session, I was so nervous that I found myself just sitting there, having this "awkward but polite smile" as my partner, Kate, went on and on with the questions. She really does quite well. Kristy is in grade 2, but her results so far on the assessment looked good. Sometimes she would pause and not say anything. At that times like those, I couldn't think of anything but to repeat my question and feel awkward. Kate also isn't the best at reacting in those situations, but I feel that she's more at ease. I actually found it difficult to step in since she was doing so well!
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| my "awkward but polite smile" 👁👄👁 |
During the assessment, I attempted to use the sample explanations given on the training manual, but my shaky voice and earphones made it difficult for her to hear. She asked me to repeat many times and also looked at her dad when she didn't know what to do. I felt a little bit frustrated as well since I wanted to my microphone closer, but I didn't want to obscure my mouth. I also had difficulty screen sharing even though I tested the function before. It was weird since the document was open, but it wasn't an option for me to select that pdf when I clicked screen share For most of the assessment, I realized Kristy made a lot more mistakes on the activities I was in charge of. I couldn't tell if it was a coincidence, or if I just made it really difficult for her. I felt confused and guilty, but continued to keep a grin on my face. I could finally loosen up after I left the meeting. I sat there for several minutes recalling what happened in the last 1 hour and 15 minutes.
😳😐😖😔😞
What was wrong? I thought. Maybe I'm just not good enough with kids? Or it's just hard to help 1 child when there's 2 mentors?
"What's wrong..."At the end, I decided to brush it off and focus on what matters. I decided I'll treat this as a practice round and I have a chance to do better when my real buddy arrives.
Problems: ❗❓
Technical difficulties:
couldn't find the page I should screen share although I had it opened
buddy couldn't hear me (perhaps due to my earphone?)
She couldn't understand my instructions
Long pauses when she doesn't know how to answer and peers at her dad nervously, when that happens me and Kate doesn't know what to do other than smile either
Felt helpless and admired how much better Kate is at communicating with children
Felt really bad after the session, wondered if I'll be able to help
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